Dumb, dumb, dumb, dummmmmmbbbbb

(and I meant that for for dramatic effect too)

This week's fifth and final excruciating hour is the much hyped, often reviled Results Show aka the biggest waste of ad space on television. This show has more filler than an Oscar Meyer wiener. Did someone say wiener? Back away from the wiener Danny, Colton, Jason Y and David (Hell, possibly Luke, Garrett and Jason C for that matter). This is a family show.

And apparently we have been very, very bad viewers because they couldn't wait to punish us this year jumping right in to the Group Sing the first week. Obviously the stylists wanted a little overtime this year as well - extensions, flat irons and pomade for all!! OH MY!! We are treated to a boring and awkward rendition of a 60s classic that even my self old music loving ass has never heard. Check.

Now onto the eliminations....

Ryan asked Leif Garrett the Second Coming to join him at center stage and... OH SNAP! Did he just eliminate him during his Q&A and once done push him away?!?! Dude, Ryan is FIERCE! This show is looking up after all (TAllegra hears the chorus of Elvis' "Trouble" in her head as she watches grinning deliciously from ear to ear - Because I'm evil, my middle name is misery Well I'm evil, so don't you mess around with me)

And yes, it is "just like that" Dreadboy. Get used to it.

To prove the old adage "fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice..."err or something like that - one of the nondescript blonds is also corralled by Ryan but instead one of the nondescript brunettes, that though I watched her performance less than an hour ago and is smoking hot enough to appear in Maxim in a bikini I can't even recall her name or song, gets das boot. Life is so unfair to us pretty people. Sometimes we actually have to end up WORKING for a living. The horror.

Dude, did I miss something? Is it 1987? Why the hell is Paula Abdul dancing and singing on my TV? And she even seems relatively sober. I'm confused. Am I having flashbacks? Have I broken out into a cold sweat? Help me....mama...

And they say Big Girls Don't Cry. Bye, bye Supermodel Diva whose performance I also cannot recall to save my life. Oh yeah, that song from My Best Friend's Wedding. Where is sassy and fabulous Rupert Everett when a girl needs him? Sit down Danny and shut up. I wasn't talking to you. Oh and look, the cute Asian girl is sobbing. And they say there is tension between the Black and Asian communities. Pshaw. Thanks to the wonders of television, we CAN all just get along. God bless television. God bless the Nigels.

Finally, before I completely loose what's left of my mind, they cut one of my favorite divas the Albino Hobbit. Oh and look her girlfriend, Danny is sobbing too. Poor Ms. Thang.

Ok, I'm bored. Next?