Men - Can't Live With Them, Can't Shoot Them (or Can You)

Brother. It's gonna be a long night. Filler filler filler. Blah blah blah. Commercial commerical commercial. Recap of why these randoms are on my television. Nope, still don't care who any of them are. But I AM starting to get why this show needs to be 2 hours. Get on with it already.

(In case you need a sing-a-long guide to who the HELL I am talking about, go here)

First up is Rudy singing some cheezy 70's crap. What is that bullseye for anyways? Where I should drive the stake through his heart? Get of my TV. Next...

Ok Brandon. As Jay-Z says, show me what cha got. Oh well, hello there. A little too much channeling of Justin Guarini going on there, but I can let it slide. For now.

Sundance "through by the skin of my big ole teeth" Head is next. Is it cheezy classic rock night and they forgot to tell us? What's up with this MUSIC??? I'm sorry Sundance, your mojo has worn thin. Your getting through was surely a fluke. Say Hello to Clay Aiken in the unemployed former great singers line would ya?

Oh yeah, Token's up now. Ok fine, Paul. He's local. Guess that means I should like him. But I don't. Barefoot in public is nasty Britney. And George Michael/Wham? Really, that's who you chose to get the Middle America vote? On a related note - Simon, I love you. I really really do.

Chris, JT called, he wants his style back. Oh and Gavin DeGraw called, he's coming for you and he's PISSED. It was Really, really, REALLY bad. Charisma and cuteness only get you so far. Ask Ace. His career is on FIRE these days. A bad self-released track on iTunes (Google it). An uncredited nod for writing 5 whole words for Daughtry's No. 1 Smash Hit. WHOO HOO!!!

Nick's performance was ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Wait, sorry. I think I just fell asleep. Or blacked out. Whatever.

Blake is my only remaining hope for a decent evening's entertainment. Oh God. It's one of those emo new school coldplayesque (ick) songs. Kill me. Now. But I like Blake. So he stays.

Sunjaya is cute. If I was 12. And it was 1970 and Sean Cassidy, in all his sugary sweetness, was still in fashion. He reminds me of Tevin Campbell. Who? Exactly.

Ok Funny Man. Make me laugh. Hell, make me cry. Frankly, I don't care WHAT you do as long as you don't make my ears bleed. I can't take it anymore. I am not a quitter, but you guys are driving me to it. Eeehh, ok enough I guess. But what song is that? And you should also read what I wrote about Justin Guarini. Head my words fro boy.

Jacob reminds me of Alfonso Ribero (of Pepsi, M.J. and Fresh Prince fame) for some odd reason. And that makes me chuckle. Oh and he can sing. FINALLY a bright spot. Sort of. He still doesn't do IT for me.

AJ is a little firecracker. And talented in a drag performer kinda way. Though I can't imagine he will go far. There is absolutely nothing interesting about him. Who were we talking about again? And did Paula mention girls being wooed by him? Girls Paula, really? Must be the drugs.

Phil is not a rockstar name. Accountant, yes. Rock God, no. And last season already brought us Chris Daughtry and Magni from Rockstar. Bald has been done. Find your own "thing". Did I just see the exact same camera angles they used for Chris last year?!? Let the pimping begin. They love him. He's a soldier. His singing (no matter how good), just became irrelevant.

And with that, the torture has ended. Will I vote tonite you ask? Does a porcupine love ice cream?

The REAL Bottom 3 ('cause God knows who this country will pick)
Token, errr, Paul - it was bad dude
Nick - BORRRRRING
Sundance - how short are you anyways?