Yay, It's Tuesday

And being that it's actually the following Sunday when I'm typing this, you will get the level of sarcasim I intended when I thought up that title. Let's get this over with.

Ryan is the new Regis Philbin (check out those monochromatic suits) and with Regis one foot into the grave, I assume that Ryan sees ANOTHER opportunity to make millions at procuring yet another high paying top rated television gig.

And speaking of old men, one foot in the grave they introduce Tony Bennett. Yeah, yeah I like Tony Bennett too but why during the one year there is no John Stevens or even David Radford . At least it could have been somone a little more relevant to this generation, a Michael Buble perhaps. Since they have spent the last 12 weeks BUTCHERING his songs, its the least they could do...

Way to smack The Blake down Tony. I love you. Every song doesn't need a beat Blake. Oh wait, maybe Blake does though. His rendition of Mack the Knife felt like it should be sung by Chris R. Maybe when I think of these songs I think of cigarettes, scotch and men who have REALLY lived life ya know? Not some 5'6", barely post pubescent, over frosted, hip hop lightster from Seattle. Alas, they liked it. But I don't care anymore. I'm just trying to make it to Season 6.

Ok, so some songs DO need a beat. Way NOT to listen to Tony, Phil. I'm starting to wonder why they are bringing in these VIP guests anymore. These kids are so convinced they are already superstars (DOUBLE WRETCH!!!) that they never take the advice. And again, all I could see during his performance of Night and Day was an emaciated Billy Corgin singing a love song to me and it scared me more than a little bit. Don't suck my blood Billy. I'll be good. I promise.

Melinda will wipe up the floor with the kids while singing I've Got Rhythm. In fact, henceforth she shall be referred to as "Swifer". And the only thing that I wish is that she was a little "quicker" in "sweeping up" this whole damn thing. What if she doesn't? Well, this IS American Idol so she probably will not. But unlike Melinda herself, I have confidence that this won't be the last we see of Swifer. You sure got IT my sista.

OH MY GOD! I LOVE the pimping. Nice entrance Chris. When I hear Don't Get Around Much Anymore I think Harry (Yum to the 1,000th power). Too bad Chris can't sing all that well, cause I'm "coming around" to his looks. I must really be bored/desperate/horny/all of the above. Whatever. The stylists and the producers are definitely doing their job - well. Dammit.

Jordin is cute. The song is cute. Tony's Century 21 Jacket was cute. But after Chris' little attempt at suducing me, On a Clear Day just comes off flat. I know, that's not fair to Jordin because it was actually a good performance. But them's the breaks kid. I don't have enough attention to go around these days. I'm a busy busy woman.

Gina does a pretty good job with Smile. Pretty good, is as good as Gina will ever get. And what was THAT Ryan? The fastest blow off I have EVER seen in the history of this show. Barely a show dictated pimp for her call in number. Could this be a sign of not so great things to come for Ms. Glocksen?

Oh Sanjaya is up next. I get it. I guess the show has figured out what people REALLY want to see. Tony vs. Sanjaya reminds me of an episode of the old Western movies where the good cowboy and the bad cowboy face off in the middle of the street. But instead of bullets a flying, Mr. Bennett, in true gentlemanly style, finds a way to disarm Sanjaya by calling him interesting and terrific and a (gasp) good singer?!?! What a pro. How much do you think they paid him to say that? Cynical party of 1, your chariot straight to hell awaits. By the way, Sanjaya's singing still sucks and the hair is as bad as you expect all while dancing with Paula singing Dancing Cheek to Cheek. Please...I would have been more likely to buy it if he would have danced with Ryan. Or Ryan with with Simon.

Wait, hold up. Did Sanjaya just yell "WELCOME TO THE UNIVERSE OF SANJAYA!" at Simon?!? Oh, no. Now he's gone and done it. It's SOOOOOO ON!!! Watch your back Howard, I'm now gunning for your boy.

Oh look its Sluterra, errr, Haley. Nice boobs Haley. That's what you want me to say isn't it - you are the one who wore that dress afterall. Ain't Misbehavin, righttttttt. With this performance, Haley just secured` her spot as the headline entertainment for the next Princess Cruise season.

What were Sanjaya's dad and Ryan doing during the break? I have NO idea and am more than a little afraid to ask. Leave your comments at the end of this blog.

LaKesha pulled a Scarlet O'Hara and made a fierce dress out of old drapes. Stormy Weather is a hot song and LaKesha kills it. Who needs New York, I think the next VH1 reality show should be finding a man for LaKesha where instead of talking, everyone would have to sing and her ultimate mate would sing a duet with her at the end of the series. No? Ok, ok I'm a blogger, not a television writer. Back off me...


LOSERS (aka Bottom 3)
Phil
Haley
Gina