Yeah, you heard me. Why is that you ask? Because I would have spent precious time wittily recounting the first few moments of the show, enjoying the clever banter between Simon and Ryan (oh you randy boys), while making fun of this week's theme but nooooo....the stupid boy in my life decides to pick THIS moment to bicker over who has rights to the TiVo when everyone knows you CANNOT POSSIBLY watch American Idol live....pfft. So in true martyr spirit I let him have the TiVo to make a point. What point I am not sure, but ohhhh, trust me, one was made.
So, someone will need to explain to me the relationship between Gwen Stefani - the Police (Chris S) and Donna Summer (Lakesha)? To me it sounds like a bad joke - three pop stars walk into a bar...No matter. American idol stopped making sense years ago. Why do I continue to ask these dumb questions.
When I FINALLY settle in, Gina was so busy crying over her girl crush on Gwen (really who can blame her - Ms. Gwen is FIERCE) that she forgot to put on pants. And again with the Chrissy Hines? Ah forget it. GO SANJAYA! Oh wait, not yet? Sorry. She did a'yite. Don't get so excited Miss G, best performances comments on this show are always relative.
Sanjaya and His Hair did an AMAZING performance of Bathwater to impress Ms. Gwen who is also his (only) girl crush. And when I say AMAZING, I mean bad. Bad in a I forgot the words, have no sense of tempo, nor do I have a rythmic bone in my skinny little body but in the most FABULOUSLY BAD WAY! GO SANJAYA!!! This shit is yours to loose.
Haley thinks she can out-Cyndi, Cyndi Lauper while doing her best Katherine McPhee. Like I am a nice girl, SPANK ME HARD kinda way. Dirty Haley, you are a very dirty girl . I think Haley is MY new girl crush. Oh wait, look! Something shiny! POOF! It's gone...
Phil sings the most overplayed song of the 80's. So overplayed, that I think the Police refuse to even claim it anymore. Hell, after this performance I wouldn't. Isn't it about sexual desire and stalking and all of that stuff a good Lifetime movie is made off? A can of mace and a good loud BOO would be enough to scare Phil away. Yawn.
While watching Melinda's audience with Fair Gwen, I began to notice that Gwen is strangely lacking in any facial expressions this evening. Too young for botox. No word of a tragic accident resulting in temporary facial paralysis. Is she just regretting associating herself with this group of contestants so much, that every word that comes from her pursed lips is through gritted teeth? No matter, Melinda is still the best around. Even singing a song I have NEVER heard in my life.
Blake forgot the red lipstick. I mean he had the shirt and the pants and the whiny 80's goth anthem down. Why stop there. He could have borrowed Billy Ray's Mullet from last week's Dancin and really Sanjaya'd it out. Lots of Aqua Net. A little gelatin maybe. Why am I rambling on about style instead of singing? Did you listen to that? Snooze fest. There were like 3 lines that he kept singing OVER AND OVER. I can barely tolerate the Cure as it is. Definitely not in a loop.
And did Simon and Paula just curse Blake by using the words "Chris Daughtry" and "Finale"? Heh, sorry dude. You're toast.
Jordin needs to stick to torch songs. Pop music is so not her. Eeek, that outfit. Singing about sex with Groupies? Ohhhhh nooooo. But the judges, starved for actual talent, pimp her. Fitting in this case.
Chris R does and almost decent job with, in my opinion, one of the best pop songs ever written "Don't Speak" (side note, check out the version by Leela James - HOLY CRAP!) Oh wait. There it is. He looses it half way through. Way to live up to the low expectations I have for you JT Jr. But you made Paula swoon, so that should solidify your spot as this season's (WRETCH!!!) heart throb.
Bottom of the Barrel (after last week's switch up, everyone but Sanjaya could end up down there so I thought I'd play it safe)
Haley
Chris S
Phil
Tomorrow, Gwen pimps her latest disaster of an album, but will inevitably look FABULOUS while doing so.
