And the Delusion Grows (or is it Disillusion)

For some strange reason, I was looking forward to tonight's performance episode. Maybe it was some deluded notion that the bigger stage, the men and women performing together, the always enthusiastic crowd or the pint of vodka I drank before the show started - that made me think this was going to be a GREAT night. Oh when I'm wrong, I'm so so wrong.

The show begins with a not so subtle reminder of how fantastic this show can be - Kelly Clarkson, Chris Daughtry (EEEEEE!), Carrie Underwood, Jennifer Hudson and even Fantasia Barino. But to my dismay no amount of flashing lights, professional band backing or blatant pimping by the Producers can save this preening group of talentless hacks (save one or two).

Our first guest star of the season is Ms. Diana " Jennifer Who???" Ross. Ohhhh my. The producers must really hate the guys worse than I do (heh).

Brandon does Phil Collins "Can't Hurry Love". Oh please, how many of you actually remember Diana's version? Liars. Brandon is in the true Pimp Spot - the first performance of the main competition. I remember the very first episode of the very first season where Justin Guarini came out and KILLED Stevie. The only thing Brandon killed are his chances of staying in the competition longer than another week. FORGETTING THE WORDS?!? Lord, you are a professional singer, your JOB is to remember the words. Get off the stage. Done with you.

Melinda has chosen yet another version of "Home". While it's a great performance, the problem is that it's not a really recognizable song (again how many of you have ever even seen The Whiz back when Diana was a true diva and Michael was black? My point exactly). I hate to sound like a broken record, but Melinda is just in a different category. I don't think a single other contestant in the history of this show has ever sounded as polished and amazing as her right out of the gate. Amazing, simply amazing.

Chris S and Diana bond over bad fros and big egos. He chooses "Endless Love". I don't buy it. The arrangement is bad (Like Diana/Lionel meets Coldplay in a dark and scary alley). He is emotionless during the performance and the funny guy thing has morphed into some egomanical deluded over-confidence. The love has officially ended.

Gina picked "Love Child" because of some weird childhood memory of performing it for her parents. Isn't this song about a bastard child not being accepted? Bygones. She's not half bad - for a 70's lounge singer or elevator muzak. I just found myself staring at the television perplexed during this entire performance. She confuses me. I am so taking the Pink moniker back. I have to - Pink scares me.

Oh God, Sanjaya. I am just AFRAID at the thought of what he will sing. Diana should suit him well being the second coming of little Michael Jackson and all. "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" huh? Ain't no way you are good enough for this competition. He's a sweet kid. Spare him (and us) any more torment and send him home already. This is just child abuse. I implore you, ignore any inclination to listen to this.

Haley is singing us her favorite Hymn. Ok seriously, she sings "Missing You". And for the first time I realized that she has a passing resemblance to Katherine McPhee. Maybe she'll get an eating disorder, disclose that her fiance is actually 50 and that will make her interesting because her singing won't do it for her. Oops, those pesky words getting in the way again. That's ok Haley, God (and Simon) still love you even if I don't.

Did Paula just call us (by us I mean you) stupid? Heh, that's about the most coherent thing out of Ms. Abdul's mouth in 3 years.

Phil is boring and he picks a boring song in "Make You Love Me". He boringly flits along the stage,sports a boring Jesus Pose along the way and just bores me to the point of catatonic. But alas, the judges love him and continue to orally insert smoke up his boring ole ass. I give up.

La "Ki Ki" must be the only church going black woman on the planet who has not heard of "God Bless the Child". I say make them all sing songs they have never heard before of if they all can sound THAT good. You go girl with your big bad self.

Blake meet Diana. Diana meet Blake. Now what? Oh wait, destroy a classic ("Keep Me Hanging On"). There you go. That's a GREAT IDEA (insert sarcasm here). I'll give him props for trying something different though. But next time why don't you trying SINGING, as novel an idea as I know that is.

Stephanie has a "Love Hang Over" HA! HA! HA! I crack myself up. Moving on...Did Diana just compliment herself while complimenting Stephanie? Now THAT is a true diva. Well she needed to compliment something, because this wasn't a very good song choice. Neither was that dress. The song is from the 70's, but let's go ahead and leave the clothes there.

Chris R is not "The Boss". In fact, I am pretty sure that all 5'5" of Bruce Springsteen could kick his prissy (big ole) ass. Not only do I not LIKE his voice, it straight BUGS. Almost as much as those shrieking girls. Wake up. He's not any good people. It's like a bad blend of JT, Goat Girl from Season 2 and Ace Young (minus the hot factor).

Jordin picks "If We Hold on Together" because she just watched Land Before Time last year. When she was 10. She's cute. But out of her league. If this were on the Disney Channel she would so get her own show. I would call it "She's So Sugary Sweet (I could just puke)!"

Bottom 3
Brandon
Sanjaya
Haley

And with that its done. See you all (begrudgingly) tomorrow where inevitably, America will fail me yet again and vote for the wrong person solidifying us as fame-hungry mob with little sense and even less taste.