In case you hadn't figured it out by now, I REALLY hate the audition portion of the show. Why watch you ask? Oh my little pumpkins, I do it for you of course. I mean what pleasure could I surely gain from the blatant prostituting of the more emotionally, mentally, and sanely challenged? My mama raised me better than that...HA! I almost got that out without laughing. Phew, I crack myself up.
Now onto the crazies.
Well shit. goddamn. fuck. Now that I have your attention, WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THESE SOUTHERN FOLK??? I mean why MUST we go back to Birmingham? Couldn't we leave well enough alone with Ruben or Bo. Wasn't the cruel and unusual punishment of Taylor Hicks bad enough to stop the trend? How many more drunk uncles can this country take. I mean first GW. Then Taylor. Who's next- Hank Hill? Homer Simpson?
And how do I say this delicately...ummmm, do they know the meaning of the word diet down there in 'Bama? Seriously. Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers and Nutrisystems could set up booths during the auditons and make a killing. Eat a carrot people.
And this brings me to Margaret. Ah Margaret. There are no words. God bless your crazy ole yellow feathered ass.
But the good news is PAULA IS BACK ON DRUGS. The Kneeling. The Grand Sweeping Gestures. Standing Ovation. The Lazy Eyes and the Overly Botoxed Lips. The unexplained absence on Day 2 (Surrreee Ryan. Family Obligation. Rightttttttt.) LONG LIVE THE DOPED UP PAULA ABDUL! Next week I would put money on her taking off her clothes, running around naked and kissing every underage boy in site.
Top 4
Katie "Lay off the Helium" Bernard
Tatiana "Just Call Me Aretha" McConnico (Top 10 Material)
Jamie Lynn "But It's O.K." Ward
Chris "Just Jack" Sligh (FUNNY AS HELL! He's my current fave. Believe it or Not)
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