Season....Is it Really Eight? Seriously?!

So I hope y'all didn't think because I went and got all Zen and Shit this year that it meant that I wouldn't be regaling you with witty banter, searing comebacks and generally biting commentary did you? Well if so, you're wrong suckas! And 20 lashings for doubting me.

And how I have missed you so, my litttle cabbages. I may have missed this stupid show more though. At least, until about 6 weeks (and 40 hours of show) from now when I remember how much I actually hate it. HATE! HATE! HATE! You should have figured out by now that we have this twisted emotionally abusive codependant relationship that no therapist can put asunder.

But this year, AI is promising that it's actually going to change in a few notable areas: The Death of Nigel Lithgow (ok, he's not ACTUALLY dead but in this business jumping ship off the No. 1 show in history is the equivalent of career suicide), the return of the Wild Card selection (basically fame whores the judges have a thing for that get extra TV time regardless of their actual ability - flirt away boys and girls), Reducing the elimination show to 30 minutes (say it with me, HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! PRAISE JESUS, ALLAH, BUDDHA, MOHAMMAD and GREAT SPIRIT. I told you I went and got all Zen and Shit this year.) and the piece du resistance...a 4th FULL TIME Judge!!!

Ahhh, one CAN find joy in simple pleasures afterall. The addition of Ms. Kara DioGuidardi will prove to be THE most entertaining tidbit of the entire season. Apparently Ms. Paula's antics have become so deliciously unpredictable that they went ahead and brought in another perky brunette thinking we wouldn't notice in case Paula's head actually DOES explode this season. And safe bets are it will. I mean, how would you feel if your husband/wife brought in another wife/husband to "switch things up" without consulting you? Ok, so some of you might LIKE it you little freaks, but you get my drift.

So here we are, 48 hours out from the start of another delectable season of jeers, cheers and oh so many tears (and that's just from Paula before the meds kick in). So tune into Fox at 8 pm on Tuesday, January 13th to experience the magic for yourself. You know you want to.