Put on my blue suede shoes and I boarded a plane...

Memphis - home of Elvis, Justin Timberlake and some of the most seriously dillusional folks ever to come from South of the Mason Dixon Line.

So tonight's show proved to be a mix of Grand Ole Oprey, The Gong Show and Bring It On. When Ryan daintily hoisted all 5'6" of his petite frame atop a Pyramid of Cheerleaders I thought to myself, "FINALLY, so many questions answered!" Do you think I could borrow that guy's cheer squad for a day? I can hear it now..."R-A-I-S-E! BACK UP THAT BIG OL' BRINKS TRUCK FOR ME! GOOOOOOO RAISE!!!"

Not too far into the show, one thing became abundantly clear - there is a lot of inbreeding going on down there in Tennessee. Before you and your kinfolk jump all over me, maybe a lot is an overstatement. But then there must have been some sort of convention across the street (The Daughters and Sons of my Father and Grandmother perhaps) because DAYUM there were some straight up "small bus" cases that walked in there (TIMMY!!!). Part of me felt bad, most of me LAUGHED MY ASS OFF! Does that make me a bad person?

TOP 4
Sundance "It's in my Genes next to the Turkey I Ate" Head (Top 10 Material)
Danielle "Love Child of Britney and Xtina" McCulloch
Sean "I Like him for some scary reason" Michel
Melinda "Boo! Faints" Doolittle (Top 10 Material)

And so after being blown away and bowled over by the sheer absurdity of it all, I end tonight's recap. With a period.

SIDE NOTE - Why has Paula not been visibly drunk/high/borderline schitzophrenic these last few episodes? Did they confiscate her vicodin in Seattle? On behalf of the television watching population, I DEMAND that the Nigels GIVE PAULA BACK HER MEDS!!! How am I suppose to possibly enjoy myself if she insists on being coherent? Watch the singers?! Pffft.