New Yor, New Yor...a Hell of a Town

The show begins with Ryan Seacrest enlightening us to the little known fact that an American Idol Winner has never come from New York. Well since all of the winners have come from Alabama, Texas or the Carolinas, I'd say that he was right. Nice one Ryan. You are not only smart but handsome in a vanilla, androgynous sort of way.

And why is Joan Collins guest judge this week? It's not Joan Collins you say? As relevant as Ms. Carol Bayer Sager has been the over the past, ummm TWO DECADES, it might as well be. Maybe they just brought her on so Paula would look more "natural".

The theme for this evening: The Many Faces of Eve

• As the great chanteuse Ashanti (no, not that one) once said - It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. And boy was it ever. Was THAT for real?! Seriously. Forget Hollywood. Give the girl an Oscar. At the very least a Daytime Emmy.
• And then there were the Jersey Paris and Nicole. Bimbos on the Shore. Bimbos at the Mall. Bimbos talking blah, blah, blah. Jersey girls you suck. Get off my television. Blondie (Bimbo I), you made it through for 2 reasons only and neither was your voice.
• Crazy Red Cowboy Hat Girl. Go take your meds. This is a SINGING competition you idiot. Someone call the men with butterfly nets and little purple pills. While you are at it, give me a couple.
• Ten Hut! All Hail The American Idol Soldier. Less time in the gym. More time in singing class. They must have been distracted by the glare of your ass crack in those hoochie coochie cutters you painted on to let you through. Did you ransack Britney Spear's trash for those? God knows her fat cracked out ass can't fit in those things anymore.
• Opera Girl. Apparently she heard that Opera Training would a great foundation for a rock career (a la the great Pat Benetar). Or is that blues. Or was it it R&B. Or maybe it is Opera. Whatever. Either way, she's on her way to La La land. Good luck Opera girl. You're gonna need it.
• And finally orgasm girl. What's her name - Isadora? Julie? Sybil? Someone contact NASA to send a signal up to her mother ship. It's time to take her home.
  

My message for all future Idol auditioners - Do us a favor. When they tell you no, it's a no. STOP BEGGING! It's embarassing. It's annoying. It doesn't work. If we sort of liked you before, we definately don't now. Eeee gads.

Next stop, the 205.

TOP 6
Sarah "My Dad Sucks. Waa." Burgess
Antonella "Bimbo II" Barba
Kia "Which one are you again?" Thornton
Jenry "Tyrese" Bejarano (THAT is what 16 looks like? DA-YUM.)
Jory "Blame Canada" Steinberg (Top 10 Material)
Chris "JT's Already Been There and Done That" Richardson


P.S. to the P.S. from yesterday - The belligerent Paula is not as good as the drunk Paula. BRING BACK THE MEDS!